


I still love you.

by sporksandknives



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Car Accidents, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Hospitals, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Years Later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:27:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25458553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sporksandknives/pseuds/sporksandknives
Summary: Sometimes you have to wait a long time just to finally get the love you deserved.For Matsukawa Issei, his wait involves his best friend disappearing, a car crash, repressed feelings, useless relationships, and a crazy mix of emotions.(No, the beginning is not between Matsukawa and Hanamaki.)
Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei
Kudos: 22





	I still love you.

**Author's Note:**

> This is an older fic I made in one go, so I apologize if its a mess and not the most well written. Also this is based off a song so, can you guess what it is?
> 
> ALSO TW LATER ON

"I get it! Ill leave! Fuck you!"

Matsukawa ran out of the apartment, running down to his car as quickly as he could, tears blurring his vision as they started streaming down his face. The rain only making it worse.

He ripped the car door open, pushing himself into the seat and closing the door before he slumped back into the polyester that covered the car's interior. His keys fell onto the floor of the car by his feet after slipping through his fingers while they moved up to cover his red, puffy face.

Around fifteen minutes later, when he finally felt like all his tears were sucked out of him and his eyes couldn't produce any more of the salty liquid, he sat back up, taking a deep breath and muttering a quiet "fuck.." Another deep breath later and he was bending over to pick up his keys. The metal slipped through the perfectly designed hole and was turned. The engine roared and soon enough, Matsukawa was leaving the close-to-empty parking lot.

The streets were almost bare, no headlights shined through the heavy rain as it fell against the pavements. The road was coated, raindrops slapping against every inch of the car that they could reach. At least it was some noise, though he could use more.

His hand reached over to turn the small dial and music rang through the car. The first song was close to ending, so he just waited for the music to finish fading out before it introduced the new song. The song was good, in the beginning, before the words "I love you" filled his ears. His breath hitched and his hand reached back out to silence the music. Another "fuck-" was muttered as hot tears could be felt behind his eyes. He didn't try to hold them back again, and soon enough his face was beet red yet again. "Good to know how quick they can fill back up huh.." He spoke to himself with a shaky voice. Though he wished there was someone there.

Someone in particular.

Someone he refused to acknowledge.

Headlights shown through the rain now, it seemed he was going in the direction of the city. More people. Maybe he could find someone now.

Another headlight, more tears, more rain, less control.

The road curved, though he didn't realize it.

More tears.

Less control. 

More panic.

When was he next to a forest?

Trees came closer.

A screech ran through his ears.

Black.

\----------

Someone was grabbing his arm.

Where was he?

There was a lot of glass, and a lot of blood.

His body hurt, especially his arms and head.

What happened?

He was dizzy.

Black.

\----------

Once his eyes opened again, all he could see was white. He groaned, looking around while everything else processed in his mind. He could make out where he was now.. a hospital? What happened? He looked down at his own body. A lot of bandages..

He tried to lift his arm, though quickly let it fall back to the bed as the pain roared up once he moved an inch. He tried to bring back the memories of the night before. Oh right-

He lost control of the car, ran into a tree. He was in an accident.

"Oh- you're awake!" A voice startled his thoughts, causing him to look over at the doorway. He tried to speak, but the doctors hand instantly flew up. "Don't try to speak, its alright. How are you feeling? Can you move?" He just told him not to speak so how was he supposed to answer? He just shook his head as best as he could without the pain flying through his body again. The doctor nodded, writing something down. "Do you remember last night?" He nodded. "Your name?" He nodded again. "Basic information such as your birthday, family members, friends, job, things like that?" He went through a mental checklist before nodding again. The doctor wrote something else down. "Alright, thats good. We contacted your parents but-" "America..." Matsukawa mumbled with a raspy voice. "Correct. We asked if you had anybody else in the area who you may want to see but, they didn't mention anyone." Of course they didn't. He didn't have anyone. Oikawa was gone with his volleyball team. Iwaizumi was probably with him. As for Makki..

He's been gone for years. Highschool ended and he just, disappeared. He missed him everyday but, eventually he just accepted he'd never see his best friend again.

"Well, ill be back soon. If you need anything just push the button. Your right arm should be able to reach it." The doctor gave a weak smile before leaving the room. Well now what?

\----------

It has been a week or so since he was admitted into the hospital. It was boring as hell, though he found out Iwaizumi was coming back that day. That was something to look forward to. He just didn't know when he would get to the hospital.

His body hurt less now, and he was able to sit up and move his right arm. Though his left arm was stuck in a cast, wrist to shoulder. It was annoying, but he managed. I mean he had to.

Around five in the afternoon, a series of knocks ran through his room before the door opened, showing off Iwaizumi. He smiled, raising his right arm. "Iwa-chan is back!" Iwaizumi groaned, walking over to pull a chair next to the bed. "Come on, I just escaped that name now ive gotta deal with you using it?" Matsukawa laughed. It was good to talk to someone besides his doctor and parents (over the phone of course) again. "Give me a break i'm crippled." "Oh shut up."

They talked for a few hours. It felt so nice. Iwaizumi told him how Oikawa was doing, and that he hopes he recovers quickly and yelling at him to be more careful, and Matsukawa warned Iwaizumi never to get stuck in a hospital. It was a pretty uplifting conversation, until the air seemed to get tense. Matsukawa looked slightly confused at Iwaizumi, seeing as he quieted down. "Whats up?"

"Have you heard from Makki recently..?" That just made him more confused. They hadn't mentioned him in so long, so why now? "No of course not. Why?" "Well, I just saw a clipboard with a name similar to Hanamaki on it. So I just remembered him. But yeah, it was just me wondering." "He's made it pretty clear he's not going to talk to us again.." "I know. But its nice to think about, I know how much he meant to you." Matsukawa shrugged "I mean yeah. He was my best friend, hell I was in love with him. But I had to change." "What so this guy broke up with you for a different reason other then you being distant?" That caused Matsukawa's neck to snap up, looking at Iwaizumi with wide eyes. How did he even know he broke up with him..? He didn't mention it, did he? "Come on. You haven't mentioned one thing about him and its right around the time Makki left." All he could do was blink, Iwaizumi sighed. "I shouldn't have mentioned it, i'm sorry."

The doctor came in before Matsukawa could answer, he looked at Iwaizumi. "Visitor time is about to end. You're welcome to come back tomorrow of course." Iwaizumi nodded, standing up and putting the chair back in its original place. "Right, Bye Mattsun. You want me to come back tomorrow?" "Yeah sure.. Bye Iwa." He gave a slight wave before leaving, going straight to a room down the hallway.

"You need to see him."

"You're still mad at me."

"Of course I am. We all are mad at you. But that doesn't matter right now. Go."

\----------

Iwaizumi came to the hospital every day for the next week. Makki was never brought up again, but it was like there was always a silent question about him. Why had he been brought up so suddenly?

Besides that, it was a nice week. He even got to call Oikawa a few times when he was on his break. They made things a lot better while he was here. And he only had a week left! He was glad he was healing so nicely.

"Hey, i'm not going to be here tomorrow, sorry." Iwaizumi said while starting to stand up, seeing as it was close to the time when he had to leave. "Alright, its fine! Don't miss me to much." Matsukawa chuckled and Iwaizumi just snorted. "Like I could miss your annoying face and voice. Cya." "Bye-bye Iwa-chan." Iwaizumi glared at him before leaving, and he was alone again.

\----------

The next day he woke up around noon. He rolled over, pulling out his phone as normal. Since Iwaizumi wasn't coming today, he's have to figure out how to entertain himself again. Meaning his eyes probably wouldn't be taken off his phone.

The doctor came in a while later, and he caught a glimpse of something that looked a bit familiar, though he just ignored it. The doctor gave him his medicine, asking how he was feeling that day, before turning to leave the room again. But this time Matsukawa stopped him. "Is there a patient here with the name Hanamaki?" He couldn't stop the question from spilling out, and he didn't know why. The doctor turned around slowly to look at him. "Im very sorry but I cant give you that information." "Please..? I dont need anymore information about them, I just really need to know.. especially with the first name Takahiro.." The doctor sighed softly. "I believe there is a visitor with that name, though I am not sure. Now I cannot tell you anything else." The doctor said before leaving.

Matsukawa was left in shock, could he really be here? He sighed, shaking his head and focusing back on his phone.

Iwaizumi got a phone call a little later.

"What?"

"He's asking about me."

"Good. Go"

"He'll be mad."

"Do you want him to be mad for the rest of his life?"

"..No.."

"Then go." Iwaizumi hung up before another word could be spoken.

\----------

Around half an hour later, Matsukawa was in a sitting position, once again on his phone just watching a random video. He was confused when someone knocked on the door, seeing as the doctor was just there and doesn't knock, as well as Iwaizumi wasn't coming today. The door opened slowly, he couldn't see who was there and he had a purely confused look on his face. "Uh.. are you in the wrong room?" The air seemed to tense up more once he spoke, and he expected the random person to just leave at that, but instead the door just stopped its movement. "Hello..?"

"H-Heard you were asking about me.." the voice said quietly. He almost didn't hear, nor recognize it. But soon it came back to him, and he didn't know how to react. So he stayed silent, mouth open and eyes wide. The door opened a bit more, and the person stepped into view.

He didn't know how to react. Should he be mad? Upset? Happy? He didn't know, so he just opted for confused. He couldn't find his words, and the other male sighed softly. "I shouldn't have done this-" He muttered to himself, starting to close the door again. In that second, everything came back to him.

The unanswered phone calls, the crying, the long texts sent to a unactivated number, the pain, the questions, the wondering, the hurt, the painful feeling in his chest, the scrolling through texts and pictures and videos. It all came back. He wasn't doing that again. "D-Dont leave!" He called out frantically, his body now lifted up off the plastic headboard to try to get closer to stopping him, arms stretched out towards the other. He wished he could've said those words years ago. The older turned back, looking at Matsukawa's distressed look. He was almost in tears. "Im sorry-"

"Why?! Why did you leave us?! Leave ME?!" Matsukawa wasn't "almost" in tears anymore. He was. Tears streamed down his face, arms finally falling back to the bedsheets. "Why did you do that to us?! WHY MAKKI?!" He couldn't help but yell anymore. Everything was rushing back to him. Everything.

Now the other was at a lose for words. He didn't know what to say. He knew he couldn't just apologize for everything. What he did was wrong, even though it wasn't his choice. Matsukawa started to cry harder, he turned away, not wanting to look at him anymore as he knew it would only make it worse. His body wracked with sobs that he couldn't control.

Hanamaki had barely ever seen him like this. Sure, he's seen him breakdown. But never this bad. He didn't think before he walked over to the bed, maneuvering himself over the edges to wrap his arms around Matsukawa. Once he realized what he was doing he tensed up, waiting for Matsukawa to yell at him again or push him off, but the only thing he did was sink into his arms.

Matsukawa missed him so much, that was a given, but he was also mad at him, also a given. Yet being in his arms again just pushed away the anger he felt throughout this whole time and let him focus only on the fact that Hanamaki was back. He was here in front of him. He wasn't gone anymore. He had him back.

"Im so sorry Mattsun.." he started to whisper over and over again. He couldn't tell if that was helping him or not, but he didn't say anything to stop him, so he continued.

After a while, Matsukawa finally calmed down. His face was red and puffy, eyes red as well. Hanamaki slowly pulled his arms off him, looking down at him with a sad look of his own look. "Can I explain? You can throw me out after but... let me just explain, okay?" Matsukawa nodded, leaning back against the headboard while Hanamaki brought over a chair. He knew he wouldn't throw him out after, especially if he had a good reason, but he still wanted to know what caused the other to just leave his friends just like that.

Hanamaki took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a few moments before he began talking.

"On graduation, when I got that call that I had to leave for, it was my mom. She had found out I was still cutting-" Matsukawa's breath hitched. Hanamaki said he stopped in the middle of their second year.. "I know, i'm sorry I lied.. but you know how she is. She threw me into a mental hospital the next day. She took my phone, computer, anything I had to talk to you guys and cut them all off, smashing them after. I was in there for a year because they never let me come back. Finally, finally they told the hospital to let me out. Only to just kick me out within a few days. I still didn't have a phone, and you were all already in college. I wasn't able to go myself since I didn't have money. I eventually found this nice woman who let me stay with her while I looked for a job and eventually could get my own apartment. I tried to find you guys again before I realized you guys were probably already mad at me and wouldn't want to see me, so I just let it go. You guys had moved on with your lives. So I let it go and tried to move on myself."

Hanamaki had to take a deep breath again once he finished talking, only to add on a few seconds later. "So that why I just.. left. And I regret every second of it. I didn't want to leave you guys.. I didn't want to leave you. The only thing I wanted this entire time was to see you again but I was scared. Until I saw Iwaizumi passing by the woman who took me in's room. He noticed me and immediately questioned me. I explained it all to him, then asked why he was here. When he told me he was here for you I was scared, worried, but relieved and happy that you were okay. I was to scared to come here before now though..."

Matsukawa didn't know what to say, he just sat back stunned. It made sense now why Iwaizumi had asked about him. Everything made sense now. He still couldn't say anything, and just held his arms out, gesturing for another hug while sitting back up. Hanamaki immediately did the same thing as before, awkwardly moving over the sides to fall into his best friends arms.

"You're here now.." Hanamaki nodded, hugging him tightly. "Im here now. Im here and i'm not leaving. Im not leaving again as long as you'll let me stay." "Of course i'm letting you stay. Im forcing you to stay. Im not going to have you leave me again." Hanamaki just mumbled a quiet "Okay.." in return.

They hugged for a long time, not saying much and just trying to make up for their missed time. After they separated, they talked. They caught up on their past years, telling each other about everything that happened. Hanamaki ended up in the bed with Matsukawa, squeezing together like they had so many times before on a couch. It was as if nothing changed. That years hadn't passed. Because even through the tears and anger and regret, nothing could change the fact that they both still cared about and loved each other more then their lives.

Hanamaki was well aware his love for Matsukawa never left. He never even dated anybody because even though he felt as if he wouldn't get to see Matsukawa again, he had hope. And that kept the love there.

Matsukawa knew it was true since Iwaizumi mentioned it. Though he dated people often, whenever any date that could correlate with Hanamaki in any way rolled around, he distanced himself, and that normally ended in a break up. But he never felt much until this time. Maybe it was because it was his longest relationship, or maybe it was because he thought he was finally okay and over Hanamaki, but it hurt. But now, now he couldn't be happier that he was in an accident.

"Remember all the times we ate cold pizza?" Hanamaki asked, looking over at Matsukawa. "Of course I do." He chuckled softly. Now they were just recapping on all their times in high school. It was so good to be in each others presence again. "Oo remember when we all made tie-dyed shirts that summer? We had to force Iwaizumi to wear it with us." they both laughed at the memory. Hanamaki didnt realize how much he missed Mastukawa's laugh. "That was one of the best summers of my life." Hanamaki admitted, and Matsukawa smirked "Cause you spent the whole thing with me?" He chuckled and Hanamaki shrugged before nodding. "Yeah that was probably a big part of it."

"Or how my brother just always gave you clothes instead of me." Hanamaki recapped with a playful glare. "What can I say? He liked me more and plus I had more of his style." "He did not like you more!" "Yes he did." "Oh really? How do you know?" "Cause I got his clothes!" Hanamaki glared again before hitting his shoulder gently. "Hey watch it i'm crippled!" He smiled, trying to inch away from Hanamaki as a joke.

"Oh calm down, you're fine. And you know you cant get that far from me." he gestured to the other side of the bed which had a plastic fence like to keep him from falling off completely. "I could just.. get up and hop away from you." "But you wouldn't." "Why do you think that?" "Because you love me to muchhh" Now Hanamaki smiled teasingly at him and Matsukawa bit his lip for a moment. "Maybe, but I can still leave." Hanamaki was slightly taken aback, not expecting him to agree to any degree.

"What..?" Matsukawa asked once he saw his expression, inching back to where he was before. "Just you didn't deny loving meta much, even playfully." This used to be useful for them, maybe adding a "no homo" or even a "full homo" for the jokes, even though they never really were just silly old jokes. Matsukawa didnt know how to answer and just shrugged. "Just a joke right?" Hanamaki nodded, laughing nervously. "Right, a joke." "Then why are you so nervous?" "Im not nervous.." "Makki I know you. Don't lie to me." That seemed like such a big deal now, lying to him. "Right sorry.." He paused before looking into Matsukawa's eyes. Matsukawa looked back, not wanting to ruin the quiet but anticipating moment the two had just created.

Hanamaki couldn't look away, and in a few moments he leaned forward and gently kissed Matsukawa. He couldn't help himself anymore, and quickly pulled himself away, even though he didn't want to. It felt so amazing but, it wasn't okay. "Im sorry-" Hanamaki looked away, but Matsukawa was about to lean back in, that is until he heard the door opening. He looked over to see the doctor.

Hanamaki quickly got off the bed as the doctor just walked in, going to give Matsukawa his medicine. Matsukawa sat himself up and took the medicine before the doctor left again, leaving them be.

Once the door closed, Hanamaki looked over to him. "Im sorry, I shouldn't have done that. Thats not fair. Ive been gone for years and then I just show up again and kiss you and-" "Makki shut up." he looked over at him, surprised. "Shut up and kiss me again." He said quietly. Hanamaki was shocked, taking a few moments before nodding, scrambling to get up and move back onto the bed next to him. He moved closer, looking into his eyes again for a few moments before leaning in and kissing him.

It felt completely right. Everything was finally worth waiting. The pain they both went through was worth this moment, and everything that was to come. Matsukawa kissed back instantly this time, not wasting a single second more. After all, he's wanted this for years. They both have.

Their lips fit perfectly together. Both their lips soft to the touch. Mastukawa's healthy hand reached up to put a hand on Hanamaki's cheek, but Hanamaki had to keep himself up with his own hands, but he leaned into the others touch.

Hanamaki pulled back once he started to run out of breath, but didn't move out of Matsukawa's hand. Both their eyes slowly opened to look at each other, lips parted slightly to catch their breath, and they could feel each others warm breath.

Hanamaki leaned forward again, but this time to press their foreheads together before he closed his eyes. "Ive wanted to do that since I met you..." he mumbled quietly, and Matsukawa nodded slightly in agreement before closing his own eyes, then muttering something quietly that made Hanamaki feel.. somehow better then he already felt.

"I dont care.. where you've been.. how many miles.. I still love you.."

\----------

Hanamaki visited him everyday after that, as well as Iwaizumi. He told Oikawa about Hanamaki returning and he couldn't wait to come back to see him. He practically jumped through the phone to hug him.

Matsukawa was released a week later as promised, getting his cast off three weeks after that. He had some pretty big scars covering his arms, which Hanamaki easily made him feel better about by telling him how much cooler it made him.

They hung out as often as they could, always trying to be with each other. Weather it was doing stuff they used to do in high school to just going to one of their apartments to watch movies and cuddle. Any time spent together was more then they needed.

It wasn't the best reunion, but somehow it made perfect sense. It was all perfect. Neither of them would change it for the world. They were with each other now and thats all that mattered.

\----------

A year later~

"Issei come on! We're going to be late!" "Calm down Hiro we're fine!" Matsukawa said while coming out of their room, fixing his tie as he went.

They had moved in around a month ago. They were always together anyway, so they just decided to ditch Hanamaki's old apartment and save up the money. It was easier that way, and they both enjoyed it. Its not like it effected that much.

It was their one year anniversary, and for once in their life they decided to be fancy and go to a nice restaurant, though they were not fit for it at all, almost getting kicked out from laughing to loudly within the first fifteen minutes. That only caused them to laugh more but, they luckily didn't end up getting kicked out.

When they came back from the restaurant, they quickly got rid of the fancy clothes to sit in their sweatpants and have a Disney movie marathon. That was much more them, but overall it was an amazing anniversary.

\----------

Five years later~

Matsukawa was acting weird recently, but Hanamaki tried to ignore it. That was until he said he had to leave, but Hanamaki couldn't come and couldn't even know where he was going. It got him worried, but he tried to trust him. The next week was even weirder. Mastukawa quickly throwing a notebook away, telling Hanamaki he couldn't look in certain places, overall just being really suspicious.

He didn't expect to come home one day with all the lights out with a few candles lining the way to their bedroom. He raised an eyebrow, setting his bag down and slowly walking through the path. "Are we supposed to be making a romantic porno or something?" Hanamaki asked, laughing at his own joke and was disappointed to not hear anything. He walked into their room, and heard movement in the dark before he flicked the light on, then seeing Matsukawa in the middle of the floor, standing up and holding something behind his back.

"Hiro- Im not a romantic person we know this but.. well. You were a bitch-" "Wow thanks." "Let me finish." Hanamaki lifted his hands in defense. "You were a bitch to me for a few years, though I know that wasn't your fault now, it didn't take away the pain of not seeing you. But even so.. when I heard and saw you again in the hospital I couldn't help but feel all the anger against you fade. That stupid feeling most people call love flew back up, and I was just happy I got you back. Those years we were separated didn't mean anything anymore because I got my stupid, funny, amazing, lovable best friend back. And nothing has separated us in the past six years, and I don't want anything to separate us in the next billion. So uhm..." he moved down, getting on one knee and pulling a small box out from behind his back. "Hanamaki Takahiro, will you marry me?" he opened the box, showing off a silver ring band with a heart shaped diamond in the middle.

Hanamaki smiled, walking over to him quickly and pulling him to stand up and hugging him. Matsukawa was confused, and slightly worried since he didn't get an answer. "It took you a while to make that didn't it-" "Shut up and answer the question." Hanamaki laughed quietly. "Of course ill marry you stupid." he smiled and Matsukawa pulled away, looking at him with wide eyes. "Really?" Hanamaki nodded, holding his left hand out. Matsukawa quickly pulled the ring out of the box and slipped it onto Hanamaki's ring finger. It was a perfect fit. It was just perfect.

They hugged again before kissing gently, Issei's arms around Takahiro's waist while Takahiro's arms were around Issei's neck, and once they pulled away the same words were repeated from six years ago.

"I dont care, where you've been, how many miles... I still love you."


End file.
